Song: Dance Again by JLo feat. Pitbull
- This quote from the song’s Wikipedia entry perhaps best sums up its existence: “Lopez is unsure whether or not the song is a single from her upcoming greatest hits album, or a new studio album.” In other words, hey, “On the Floor” was a hit, let’s make the exact same song again and figure out why later! Great strategy JLo - you’re relevant again, rhyme or reason be damned!
It’s a Hit
- Is it though?
- The beat’s almost identical to that of “On the Floor”, minus some of the cheesy Ibiza sleaze. Thankfully, the beat is one of the best parts of the older song, and this is one perhaps even more upbeat, which works well for the song.
- I enjoy the line “love to make love to you baby”. Perhaps I’m being generous.
- The chorus is euphoric enough that I won’t hate it at the clurbs.
- Ugh. Why.
- Yes, this is clearly a gettin’-drunk-in-the-clurbs song, but why why WHY are the lyrics so bad? JLo must have written the chorus while she was already a bazillion tequila shots in, producing the following thought pattern: “Well, when I’m at the club, I certainly want to dance. I guess I also want to love. What’s a third thing I would like to do at the clubs? Hmm, I could always … dance … again?” What about a third time, JLo? LEAVE NO DANCE STONE UNTURNED.
- There’s some really weird AutoTune going on about halfway through each verse. Whatever.
- Pitbull’s just the fucking worst. I liked “Give Me Everything”, I tolerated his guest verses on every other Enrique song, and now I just really need him to sit a couple fucking turns out. I’m creating the Shitbull Scale where every time he throws out one of his many tired catchphrases, the entire song loses a point. Let’s explore:
- Mr. Worldwide: 2
- Mr. 305: 0
- Dale: 1
- That awful wail thing where he kind of goes wheeeeeee-ooo!: 2
- Now fuck you pay me: 0
- Any time he giggles at his own wordplay: 7
- Any time he rhymes “Kodak” with “Kodak”: 0
- Pop culture references from 2009: 2
- The worst thing is that this song will probably be on repeat for like three weeks. I hate myself.
Verdict (without Shitbull Scale): 3/10, It’s Shit
Verdict (with Shitbull Scale): -11/10, I Literally Hate Everything